have you ever loved someone so much that you didn’t even ask for love in return?
"Be calm, God is waiting at the door…"
—- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Rest in peace GGM. Thank you for sharing yourself, and touching our souls through your writing. Your words will live on.
"If God, for a second, forgot what I have become and granted me a little bit more of life, I would use it to the best of my ability. I wouldn’t, possibly, say everything that is in my mind, but I would be more thoughtful of all I say. I would give merit to things not for what they are worth, but for what they mean to express. I would sleep little, I would dream more, because I know that for every minute that we close our eyes, we waste sixty seconds of light. I would walk while others stop; I would awake while others sleep. If God would give me a little bit more of life, I would dress in a simple manner, I would place myself in front of the sun, leaving not only my body, but my soul naked at its mercy. To all men I would say how mistaken they are when they think that they stop falling in love when they grow old, without knowing that they grow old when they stop falling in love. I would give wings to children, but I would leave it to them to learn how to fly by themselves. To old people I would say that death doesn’t arrive when they grow old, but with forgetfulness.
I have learned so much with you all, I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the mountain, without knowing that true happiness is obtained in the journey taken and the form used to reach the top of the hill. I have learned that when a newborn baby holds, with its little hand, his father’s finger, it has trapped him for the rest of his life.
I have learned that a man has the right and obligation to look down at another man, only when that man needs help to get up from the ground. Say always what you feel, not what you think. If I knew that today is the last time that that I am going to see you asleep, I would hug you with all my strength and I would pray to the Lord to let me be the guardian angel of your soul. If I knew that these are the last moments to see you, I would say ‘I love you’. There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would love to tell you how much I love you and that I will never forget you.
Tomorrow is never guaranteed to anyone, young or old. Today could be the last time to see your loved ones, which is why you mustn’t wait; do it today, in case tomorrow never arrives. I am sure you will be sorry you wasted the opportunity today to give a smile, a hug, a kiss, and that you were too busy to grant them their last wish.
Keep your loved ones near you; tell them in their ears and to their faces how much you need them and love them. Love them and treat them well; take your time to tell them ‘I am sorry’;’ forgive me’,’ please’ ‘thank you’, and all those loving words you know. Nobody will know you for your secret thought. Ask the Lord for wisdom and strength to express them. Show your friends and loved ones how important they are to you.
Send this letter to those you love. If you don’t do it today…tomorrow will be like yesterday, and if you never do it, it doesn’t matter, either, the moment to do it is now.”
She recognized the strange happiness that came from loving something without knowing why you did, that strange happiness that was sometimes so big that it felt like sadness.
There are things I never tell anyone. Not a soul.
Not that I haven’t tried. I did.
More than I could count. But the sad thing is every time I do, I realise that people tend to not understand. They say they do, but their eyes and face says otherwise.
And so I keep these things inside.
All bottled up.
There are times I even forget that I have them.
But from time to time, I come across things —- a photo, a word, a sentence, a phrase, a color, a scent, a feeling —- and it all comes tumbling down. Waking my senses. Sometimes with a mild tug, yet other times with a nerve wracking jolt.
There are some things I never tell a soul, like:
How my heart throbs with a dull ache seeing a picture of a person crying. His face full of anguish and pain that I could almost feel it too.
How my heart feels torn to pieces watching a video of two siblings scavenging the ground for some thrown out bread.
How I wish I could buy everything whatever the old woman on the photo is selling just to spare her the excruciating heat and body numbing tiredness of waiting for her goods to be bought.
How my heart flutters seeing a couple tenderly looking at each other’s eyes —- twinkling, and full of love, and longing.
How nostalgic I feel going through my empty perfume bottles and sniffing the last traces of fragrance, each one reminding me of a certain place in time, a certain moment, a certain person.
You see,…. I feel all these so deeply and so suddenly that at times I could go on for hours feeling nothing but what these things has awakened in me.
I could brood for hours on end savouring their effects on my being. Swept away by the nostalgia, the depths and emotions, layer after layer, shade after shade.
There are things I never tell a soul it’s true.
And though it’s ever changing.
The scenes and thoughts and feelings invariably so,…
There’s just one thing I realised:
That I tend to not tell a soul about all these not for fear of being thought of as weird, or overly dramatic, but the fear of being misunderstood.
Because you see, when a person is understood, he can put up with almost anything. And oh God, how I would like to be understood.
9th April 2014
#musings #nocturnalwanderings #restlessonatuesday